Sunday, September 27, 2009

Training Day(s)

Apparently working at Hooters involves a lot of training, studying, and tests. I feel like I'm at school again. Only school for vain women. So I have now completed 3 days of my 5 day training period. Phew!

So Day 1:
I am working a night shift. So I have all day to get myself "photoshoot ready". I do my hair, I think it's meh. I finish my make up with some natural looking eye shadow and not too much eyeliner. I don't want to look like a hooker after all. So I pull on my skin tight panty hose, my teeny shorts and shirt, and then of course get dressed again on top of that (remember we have to be completely covered on the way in and out of the restaurant... stupid) So now I look like a fat yoga instructor and feel about that attractive too. Awesome!

I walk in the door and obviously no one knows why this scrubby girl just walked in alone, and no one talks to me. I finally see one of the managers and he takes me into the office. He does the mundane things like photo copying my alcohol serving certification. (Did I mention Hooters does not require you to have a Food Handlers License?! I find that a little upsetting and kinda gross.) Anyway he goes and gets me a new black uniform since the other one was too small. (Although when I said they were too small he looked at me like I was crazy... apparently there is no such thing.) Regardless I have to go change into the black one since it's Wingsday. I put all my stuff into the TBC (Taking Care of Beauty (vomits in mouth a lil)) and he tells me to sit at this table, meet some of the girls, and wait for my trainer. I'll call her 'R'.

So I sit and start looking/judging all of the girls around me.
Here is what I observed:
1.) apparently the 'hooker' eye make up I referred to earlier is custom
2.) the longer the hair the hotter you are. (Seriously the like 'famous' promo girl from our restaurant has hair below her butt.)
3.) Some girls think they are working at a strip club
4.) The girls somehow make these tiny shorts go so far up their butts that their cheeks hang out. I don't see how guys could possibly find wedgies attractive, but I guess they must.
5.) Every girl thinks that she knows the most about everything... ever.
6.) I was suddenly alone at these two tables where like 10 girls were before I got there.

So in case I wasn't awkward, now I'm really uncomfortable. I decide to start talking to them and maybe they will stop ignoring me. One girl comes up and I ask if she is "R". And she looked at me like I was retarded and said "Why would you ask me that?" (... uhhh.) I told her she was training me and she finally said "oh, she's cool I guess." And walked away.

Girls slowly gather around some pigging out on fries, most bitching about some drama about 'he cheated on her' and 'how could you tell them'..., a girl came in with her 3 year old son and her Hooters outfit. All very 'normal'.

Finally I hear someone say R's name. But I say nothing. Finally the manager kinda introduces us from two tables away, and she just says 'hey' and turns back to her conversation. Then all at once all the girls get up and take off any jackets, pants, dresses, whatever and walk into the To-Go room. So I follow. Apparently this meeting happens before every shift and it's called 'Jump Start'.

Definition of Jump Shift: Meeting to kick off the shift. Discuss Promos and sports. Do the line up and figure out section placement.

What Jump Shift actually is: The manger calls each girl by name. When you're called you must stand in the middle of the room, hold your hands up so he can see your nails, and twirl so he can make sure you are 'picture perfect.' (aka, look at your ass and tits) Then he says 'who wants to go home.' I really really wanted to be like "ME!" but I guess that's not what he meant. Apparently they schedule too many girls and usually people get to go home before the shift even starts. Then they play games to decide who gets what section. I pay no attention to this.

R finally starts talking to me and taking me around the restaurant and showing me what all I have to do. The rest of this night was pretty boring. I had to fill out some of my workbook and literally follow her around. EVERYWHERE. It's so weird. Whatever. At the end of every training shift you get free food. (I am a vegetarian... why am I working at a wings place? Idk) So I just got a kid's grilled cheese and fries with the awesome ranch and I am happy. So I go home.

Day 2- I work lunch shift. Which apparently I was scheduled to be the hostess. R did not tell me that the hostess has to wear the opposite colors of the rest of the girls. So I was in the wrong uniform. Great. Oh and the manager made me play the game with the other girls to decide who gets to be Head Wait... even though I couldn't... he just wanted to embarrass me. The game was WHO CAN THROW THE LEMON SLICE THE FURTHEST ACROSS THE RESTAURANT BACKWARDS! (yes these games are incredibly challenging and require extensive knowledge.) I tried to not win, cuz I didn't want them to be mad, but I still got 2nd. Because 4 of the 6 girls threw theirs over their shoulder and into the ceiling.

But I actually really liked this job. I literally sat at the front of the restaurant and when someone would walk up I'd open the door and say "Hi, how are you? Sit where ever you like." Then I'd sit down again. Easy ass shit. All the girls complain about it, but you get paid min wage and you do nothing. Some guys came in and when I told them to sit anywhere and they were like "we wanna sit with you." First 'hit on' comment I'd gotten. I told them unless they wanted to sit at the front door they were outta luck.

Also being hostess means you get cut REALLY early. Another awesome perk! So then R took me into the other room, and was like are you ready for your quiz over the beer, wine, and liquor? (umm... no!... I didn't know I had a test!) She thought I was an idiot, but clearly she doesn't communicate well (ex. the wrong uniform). So I ordered cheese quesadillas (which were actually really good), did my work book, and left.

Day 3- This day when I walked in, one of the girls that had worked the day before said "Wrong uniform!" and I freaked out and she laughed. Even if it was making fun of me, hey someone talked to me! (ugh) Anyway I continued on trying to make myself look busy while waiting for Jump Start. This time he actually made me get up and twirl... great. We start the shift. R is kinda in a bad mood, so I try to be as out of the way as possible. This is the day we did 'Digital Dining' (I learned how to put orders into the computer... rocket science). After that she started trying to quiz me over sides and toppings and meat... being a vegetarian I was not very good. I actually studied the night before. I haven't studied in 10 months, and I did for this bullshit job. So when R said "you didn't study did you?" I kinda wanted to punch her in the face a little. But I'm sure it seemed like I hadn't because things that are common sense to most people (like how oysters are weighed, how shrimp is prepared, what a naked Daytona flapper is...) does not make sense to me. Needless to say I "passed" the tests. FINALLY!

CREEPER STORY #1: So as I'm sitting at the table filling out the tests and workbook, a very drunk 50+ year old man stumbles over and grabs the book with all the answers in it away. He then decides he needs to quiz me. (Dear God) He sits at the table and good 6" from me and starts asking me the questions I've already copied into my book. So every time I read the answer correctly he starts yelling things like "She's got it!" "She's the best waitress here!" "Where's your manager? I'm gonna recommend you!" Drawing excessive amounts of attention to me (which I despise). The manager even walked by and the creeper called his name and he just waved him off. At other restaurants and places I've worked at, this situation would have a manager next to me in 2 minutes resolving the issue. I am not used to this sort of thing being acceptable. So then the creeper decides I need a shoulder massage to get me ready for the test or something. (Ew ew ew ew) I look up and see the manager is eying him from behind the bar, which actually did make me feel better knowing he was ready if he needed to be. The drunk creeper eventually got distracted by these big Hulk Punching Gloves (the kind that make Hulk noises when you hit things... oh and they are Hooters Orange!). He started hitting people at any table he walked by. The manager came over later and asked if I was mad or scared. I just told him I was annoyed and that man was a douchebag. (which he was).

The shift drug on later than the other days before he finally cut R and me. This shift I wanted another Grilled Cheese. Apparently the rule is when you are training you have to try a meal from every category on the list and I couldn't have that category anymore. R tried to explain that I was a vegetarian but the manager just told me to get a salad. I was WAY to hungry for a salad and R had to eat whatever category I chose from. So I ordered a Philly sandwich with no meat. It was actually good and everyone was happy. And while I was eating it, a girl (who wasn't even working that night) came over and sat and talked with me the whole time. It was so nice to meet a human. (I actually love R cuz I think she is hilarious, but I don't think the feeling is mutual.)

I finally got dressed, got escorted to my car, and went home knowing I had the weekend off and it was wonderful. (starting to dread days 4 and 5).


  1. "Drawing excessive amounts of attention to me (which I despise)."

    You're quote confuses me - if you don't like excessive amounts of attention drawn to you why would you work at Hooters?

    I honestly thought that was the whole point of the uniforms and the chatty, friendly service - that corp. wants the servers to be noticed - right?

    I wish you a job you like better and aren't so derisive of - I am not surprised that the other employees avoided you, not to be mean, but you appear to hate the whole idea of this restaurant and are standoffish because of it.

  2. aaww I wish you would have continued with this!!! i love your style of writing and it was very amusing :).

  3. You obviously never need to be in this business.

  4. Hooters isn't the job for you.

  5. I am deeply in love with every single piece of information you post here. Will be back often to read more updates!
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  6. This is exactly how I would describe and talk about Hooters as well. My sister is going to start there soon* I find it humerous how we are so similar hahaha